I feel that.. Commitment is not something that you force yourself to do. Responsibility is a subset of commitment, but commitment is never a subset of responsibility. Commitment is not only about answering for your actions towards that special someone, it's also about doing things willingly for a person, without questioning yourself whether what you did is worth it or not.

If you truly love the person, you will be willing to do anything for him/her, sometimes even regardless whether its right or wrong. The level of commitment can sometimes surprise yourself. lol.

Taking myself for an example, once im in love, i'll love the person with all my heart and is willing to do anything for him. Sort of like the 飞蛾扑火 type. There's so much that Im willing to sacrifice and do for that someone.

I'll believe (majority of the time) that what he says is right (of course, have to be socially acceptable in the first place), and whatever he did is so 帅. Its like.. what some people see as a minus point of him, i'll see it like some good point. lol. Something like..“他吐痰都那么帅～”kinda exaggerated.. but you know what i mean right? haha.

I'll be willing to change everything for him as long as its not unreasonable. Want my hair long? I'll keep it as long as u want it to be. Want me to msg you and report what im doing everyday? I'll msg you every single detail if you like it. Dont want me to wear skirt? You'll never see me in skirt. Want me to stop seeing all my guy friends? oops. sorry. cant do that. I'm willing to change everything about myself, but as long as its anything related to my friends or family, im afraid I cant do that.. even for the person that I love. Cos.. they are as equally impt as bf.

Lastly, I think all guys are gonna love this. Im willing to forgive whatever that he does outside. What i mean is.. he can 劈腿 as many times as he like, as long as he doesnt bring the girl and show her in front of me. Cos I think the intention is pretty obvious that if he really bring the girl to me, he wants to break up with me. So, he can just have as much as he likes outside, but must still love me. That's how much i can accept.

People may say that its totally insane, or I'm just dumb. But how long can one be faithful to his/her partner? "你是我的唯一" is totally bullshit. After seeing the things around me, that sentence is just like a fairytale. So, being faithful to me, is an optional criteria of commitment. Having it is like a bonus, its rare you see. lol.

Hmm.. I think commitment is somehow a rather scary thing for me now. Cos.. the more you commit into something, the more you are gonna get hurt if the outcome is not what you expected. Its like doing business, you input your capital and if you do not receive the returns (or even suffer some loss) unlike what you expected, you feel defeated and fed up. You become paranoid.. illogical.. 患得患失。Fearing that you might lose your guy someday, fearing this and that. Sometimes people ended up 两手空空，遍体鳞伤。This is the situation that somehow i always get myself into. lol. So im scared. I dont want to get into this cycle again.

Then I'll start wondering.. Is there something wrong with me that resulted in this? I seriously need the answer to that man. I dont think im an unreasonable person, and though I'm not pretty, i dont think i look that 让人讨厌 right?

The wrong timing? Perhaps. The wrong person? Maybe. The wrong mindset? Probably.

I guess that will take me a whole lifetime to figure out. lol.