黑色月亮----杨丞琳                                                   

一个人吃了晚餐 

一个人躺坐在浴缸 

逃开你给的过往  

逃的我遍体鳞伤  

我的感情总是跌跌撞撞  

有一种温柔在你身上才有 

霸道的将我占有  

心直到现在还是你的  

有一种难过在你眼里 

看著我走的时候  

你说我好像黑色月亮  

在黑暗中看不见爱的光芒  

我们说的梦想只是梦想  

影子拖了很长 

你说你想要我的原谅  

好让你的日子过的比较心安  

心里有个地方 

关了起来疗伤  

那里不需要月光

This song totally describe how i feel right now.. I think i'll feel better if i cry my heart out.. But somehow i couldnt. I dont know how to describe the feeling exactly. Its like i lost a part of my heart. Like part of my soul being taken away and the wound is bleeding badly. I dont need anyone to pity me or comfort me. Its a suffocating feeling..

I finally uds why my ex-bf reacted that way when i broke up with him, because i felt like doing the same thing that he did now. I think its really karma that im experiencing the same thing as him, since last time im the one who wanted to break up. And now.. someone is doing it to me. 

Although there's a strong urge of doing it, i told myself that im not going to let it happen. Because.. i know how hurtful it is to do it, and i dont want him to go through what i had went through in the past. Im not a saint, im not that noble. I know its gonna be very hard for me to let go and accept the fact, but im gonna to try. Who's right or wrong doesnt matter now.. All i wish is that he could find his happiness.. =)

Everything that is happening to me doesnt seems to be rather screwed up recently. And valentine's day is a killer for me. The school flooded with flowers, balloons and chocolate.. The couples roaming at every single corner of the school.. I jux had to keep my eyes fixed on the ground or at my lecturer, and hope that lesson could be over soon so that i can jux get the hell out of school and get back home. 

I think 90% of my friends are attached now.. i know its not their fault, but somehow they have less time for me alrdy, since im not at the top of their priority list. Now im spending more time alone.. Eating alone.. Going home alone.. Shopping alone.. My phone is quiet for the whole day.. And the worse part is.. Im getting used to it. I feel like im turning into some sort of loner or social out cast soon.

Some people may say that im desperate.. Some people say that, we, the single people are fortunate in some way cause we have the freedom to do whatever we want, and its ok that we dont have bf/gf since we can get the love from our family and friends blah blah.. But to me, this kind of love is totally different from those u get fr your bf/gf. Im someone who needed to be loved. Love is like a need not a want to me. I need love to survive, just like how plants need sunlight. The plant wont die immediately without sunlight, but soon enough, it'll start to wither without it. 

But.. There's nothing i can do about my current situation.. And i guess i'll try to live as long as i can without my 'sunlight'. 

Btw.. Im gonna start to save up to get the 21st bday present for myself. Dont know how long i'll take to save up that much though. Hopefully can get it by the end of this year.